Confetti Cheerios

Name: Confetti Cheerios
Variation: Cheerios
Manufacturer: General Mills

Review: There's not a whole lot to celebrate in this country right now, but General Mills is trying its damnedest to keep us in good spirits - with vanilla Cheerios coated in confetti! (Although you have to look really closely to appreciate the visual flair the confetti adds). Honestly, when I'm looking to celebrate, I don't grab for the vanilla Cheerios. Regarding the daily affirmation (are we cheery enough yet?), if "you deserve joy", then why are you eating this cereal, when you could be having Dark Chocolate Reese's Puffs instead? Look, it's not terrible - as long you're not expecting a party in your cereal bowl (and what would give you that idea? :-p) - but I'm not gonna say it's good, either. I'll be sure to celebrate when I get to the bottom of the box.

Rating: 🥣
Leftover Milk: Like somebody fired a confetti popper over a bowl of vanilla milk.

Dark Chocolate Reese's Puffs

Name: Dark Chocolate Reese's Puffs
Variation: Reese's Puffs
Manufacturer: General Mills

Review: Two words: instant fave. I could end the review there, but then I wouldn't get to talk about how great this cereal is. Not only is it a brilliant idea, it's entirely up my alley. I'm ashamed I didn't think of it first. And as a night owl, I dig the "after dark" box design. All that, before I've even poured my first bowl! But I'm confident that I'm gonna love it, because there's no way they could mess this one up. Sometimes, you just know.

I want to say that the chocolate puffs are a little darker than usual, but I'd have to compare them side-by-side with regular Reese's Puffs to say for sure. I think they've done a good job of capturing that dark chocolate flavor - slightly bitter, and less sweet. Dark chocolate can be a bit of an acquired taste, and one that is sometimes misunderstood. It has a more intense chocolate flavor, but some people are surprised that it's not as sweet as the chocolate they're used to.

You see, chocolate isn't intrinsically sweet. It does taste better sweetened (some people eat 100% cacao for bragging rights, but I think that's silly); dark chocolate just doesn't go as hard with the sweetness, so the actual chocolate flavor can shine. It's a more mature, more sophisticated, more "adult" version of chocolate - like chocolate after dark, which is perfectly encapsulated by the midnight aesthetic of the cereal box.

"Midnight is technically morning."

Also, sometimes people ask, is dark chocolate better than milk chocolate? In my mind, it's not an either/or situation. They're two different kinds of chocolate, but they're both chocolate, and they're both good. It's not like you'll graduate to dark chocolate and then stop liking milk chocolate. But if you do acquire a taste for it, dark chocolate can be a rewarding indulgence - something a little bit extra, without just piling on more sugar. There's definitely a bit of a mystique to it, and this cereal captures that well.

Rating: 🥣🥣🥣
Leftover Milk: Not as heavily flavored as I'd like, but that's standard for Reese's Puffs.

The Spongebob Movie

Name: The SpongeBob Movie: Search For SquarePants
Variation: n/a
Manufacturer: Kellogg's

Review: SpongeBob debuted at a time in my life when I was graduating to more mature animated fare, so I never really got into it. (However, I did recently make Krabby Patty cupcakes for a kid's birthday party). But there's apparently a new movie out, because here's the associated cereal tie-in. As if you couldn't tell. Gotta say, I hate the name of this cereal. I know it's just a glorified commercial for the movie, but it pays no respect to the medium. Do I really have to call this cereal "The SpongeBob Movie"? At least Froot Loops Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory had a recognizable cereal in its name! It tells me they're not even pretending to create a decent product, they're just banking on parents (and obsessed fans) wasting their money on name recognition. I know this is how capitalism works, but that doesn't mean I have to like it.

Krabby Patty cupcakes

It doesn't bode well that this cereal doesn't have any flavor beyond "corn". There aren't even any marshmallows! Wouldn't it be great if it had some little pink Patrick marshmallows? Every time I start to pour a bowl, I look at it and find myself wishing it was Peanut Butter Crunch. The one thing I'll say for it is that it has an interesting mouthfeel. The puffs are dense, and soften up considerably in milk. It almost gives me the impression that I'm eating SpongeBob, cut up into little pieces. There is just a hint of sweetness, which is more than I can say for last years' dreadful Bluey cereal. It's marginally better than I expected it to be, but I still won't say that I like it. At the very least, I should be able to get through the box without having to give it away.

Rating: 🥣
Leftover Milk: A little sweet and corny.

Cocoa Loops

Name: Cocoa Loops
Variation: Froot Loops
Manufacturer: Kellogg's

Review: I should really stop giving these companies ideas for new cereals - seeing as I'll never see so much as a penny of their profits. This is the version of Froot Loops the world needed when Kellogg's was promoting the Wonka movie. A movie about a guy who builds a chocolate factory. I mean, the box is even purple! You all thought I was crazy back then for suggesting a chocolate version of Froot Loops. (After all, it's a fruity cereal - it's right there in the name! Although the word "cocoa" has two o's without misspelling it). And yet, here we are. I couldn't be more excited to try it.

It has a good cocoa flavor. Kellogg's doesn't really have a chocolate cereal (I'm not counting Cocoa Krispies, because it's a Krispies cereal), so this cereal would seem to be poised to compete with General Mills' Cocoa Puffs. It even turns the milk chocolate! Kellogg's cereals don't have a good track record when it comes to that, so I'm impressed. My only regret is that I bought such a small box. I guess I'll have to go back to the store and get another one. I wonder how long it'll stick around.

Rating: 🥣🥣🥣
Leftover Milk: Chocolatey, as advertised.