Fourth Anniversary

As we round out the fourth year of this blog, I can tell you that we've definitely reached a milestone. For the first time since I started this blog four years ago, there have been periods where I actually had to scramble to find cereals to review, to keep up my once-a-week schedule. Short of starting down the long road of trying Chex or Special K (and I don't really want to open either of those cans of worms at this point in time), I'm on the brink of hitting a wall. And that's okay.

Year 4 Haul

Sure, there'll be an influx of cereals for the New Year, as there always is; and sporadic pop-ups throughout the rest of the year (especially around holidays). I'm not saying this blog's going to end. But there will come a time - maybe sooner than later - when I won't have something new to post every single week. Honestly, I'm looking forward to kicking back, focusing on what's on the shelves right now, and no longer scrambling to keep up, post-dating reviews weeks in advance, while boxes sit on top of my fridge for months before I get to open them up. Stick around, because I'm not going anywhere. I'm just gonna take it a little bit easier from here on out.

Third Anniversary Post

Welcome to the third anniversary of this blog! It may not seem apparent from all the Sunday reviews I've been posting, but from the back-end, it's clear to me that the workload really is finally letting up. (Consider that I've been able to spend pretty much all of October reviewing the different Monster Cereals, insted of being drowned in an influx of holiday novelties).

I could have stuck to a single review-per-week schedule, and potentially had reviews queued up and ready six months into the next year, but though a regular and reliable posting schedule is good for audience retention (like I even have an audience), I really prefer to post the reviews I write within a relatively short time frame, instead of sitting on a mound of content (like a greedy dragon), doling it out a little bit at a time.

Year 3 Haul

What this means is that, going forward, there may be busy periods and dormant periods as the market fluctuates. However, I should have a chance to continue reviewing the classics, and maybe even try out some cereals I normally ignore - like, I dunno, Honey Smacks or Honey Ohs! or Honey Bunches of Oats (why are they all honey cereals?), or something like that. We'll see. It's been a great run, but I'm not ready to retire just yet.

Cereal For Breakfast (A Defense)

Breakfast cereal is a huge market - it can't be denied. After all, breakfast cereals take up a whole entire aisle in the supermarket! Yet still, people love to disparage the idea of eating cereal for breakfast. Especially if you're not a kid anymore. They say it's like eating candy, or drinking soda for breakfast.

Listen, I don't pretend cereal is a health food. But I also try not to go overboard with it. (Tip: pour your bowl then put away the box - when you get to the bottom, you won't be tempted to top it off). Some cereals are obviously better than others, but in reasonable quantities (which is to say, not too much but not too little, either - up to two posted servings daily), it's simply not comparable to eating a Snickers or drinking a Coke. Plus, they're fortified with vitamins!

So go ahead, eat your bacon and eggs, dripping with fat and cholesterol, and douse your pancakes in butter and sugary syrup. And go on feeling smug about that person sitting next to you with a bowl of cereal. It doesn't have to be the perfect breakfast. It just has to be no worse than the alternative.

But here's the thing. I don't have a huge appetite early in the morning. A bowl of cereal is all I need to tide me over until lunch. And then I have only a simple bowl and spoon to wash, which is a nice and easy way to start the day. But there's more.

I sometimes complain about how quickly these companies turn over new novelty cereals (mainly because I'm a completionist, and it's hard to keep up with it all), but the reality is, nearly every week for the past three years I've had something new to try. And that's exciting! It's good to have something to look forward to. Even if it's something as simple as a bowl of cereal.

So, you see, for me it is the perfect breakfast, after all!

2nd Anniversary Post

I hadn't anticipated making anniversary posts every year, but it's nice to check in and gauge the progress of my blog. By the way, how do you like my new banner? I kind of added it in without fanfare early this year. It celebrates the marble countertop and plain white cereal bowl that are featured in every review, while imitating the font and styling of the source material (not cereal related) that inspired this blog's title - one of my favorite anime series from the '90s, Serial Experiments Lain.

Year 1 Haul

After a full year of double weekend reviews, the workload (which usually swells around the holidays, with seasonal Halloween and Pumpkin Spice and Christmas cereals aplenty) finally seems to be slacking off, now that I'm seeing a lot of stuff I've already tried. It's noticeable enough that I've actually had time to pick up some of my old favorites between novelties, and in certain cases make good on my two bowl ratings and buy a second box of the novelties I've liked most.

It's to a point where I'm considering finally doing a series where I review normal cereals that are not limited edition novelties (as well as fulfill my promise to try all the myriad flavors of Cheerios). This may not be the primary purpose of this blog, but it's something I've had in the back of my mind that I wanted to do if and when the workload ever let up. It also frees me up to do some more independent experiments, mixing different cereals and the like, now that we're just about caught up on all the flashbacks I've been sitting on (just about).

Year 2 Haul

In any case, I'm considering returning to a one-review-per-week schedule (although I may end up eating those words), with the option of temporary expansion whenever necessary. To be fair, the two review format was originally supposed to be occasional only; I just got swamped with material I couldn't put out fast enough. The longterm goal for this blog, after producing a ton of back content for readers to sift through (over 150 cereals reviewed in just two years!), is to not necessarily have a regular posting schedule, but the flexibility of being able to see a new cereal on shelves, buy it, try it, and review it all within the span of about a week. I don't know if the workload will ever dwindle that much, but we'll see.

Thanks for joining me thus far, and I hope you'll stick around. It's been two great years already, and there's still more yet to come!

Halloween Re-Skins

If I'm being honest, I can have a completionist collector's mentality at times, but I'm going to have to draw the line at buying a cereal just because they redesigned the box (which can happen as often as yearly for seasonal regulars). But I'm seeing lots of substantial "re-skins" this year of Halloween-themed cereals I've already reviewed, and I wanted to shine a spotlight on them.

Starting with Halloween Fruity Pebbles. It's a subtle difference, but Bamm-Bamm now appears on the front with Pebbles, while Fred Flintstone has been pushed to the back of the box.

Kellogg's "Spooky Marshmallows" trio has received a complete makeover this year, with eyecatching "specimen-in-a-jar" designs for Froot Loops, Apple Jacks, and Chocolate Frosted Flakes.

Shocking Orange Rice Krispies adopts the same motif, despite not adding marshmallows (or anything, really, to make the cereal worth eating), effectively becoming the uninvited fourth wheel to the Spooky Marshmallows trio's proverbial tricycle.

Note the Cap'n's creepy new CGI look for this year (inching ever closer to that precipice overlooking the uncanny valley). As a piece of fun trivia, Halloween Crunch was the first cereal I ever reviewed for this blog!

And looky here - Reese's Puffs Bats gets yet another new design. I've also noticed that it's getting a more prominent display at Walmart, after being unceremoniously tucked away in the Halloween costume aisle last year.

If you stop over at Sam's Club, you can even find it in a double pack, paired with this year's new Kit Kat cereal. Don't give me any funny trick 'r treat ideas, General Mills!

Also spotted at Sam's Club is Zombie Apple Jacks - boasting a green apple flavor, and a formula that turns your milk green. If it weren't being sold in double packs, I would have bought it, but I'm pretty confident this is just Kellogg's repurposing Apple Jacks Nickelodeon Slime from last year.

On the subject of zombies, I was also excited to see Monsters Cereal's new flavor Carmella Creeper (and to a lesser extent, Monster Mash Remix), as well as Lucky Charms branching out into the autumn market with Haunted Marshmallows. But as these are brand new cereals, they've earned themselves each a separate post and review (along with late-comer It's The Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown).

Go check them out - and pick up a few boxes before they turn up missing (if it's not already too late). But most importantly of all, have a Happy Halloween!

Honoring Those We've Lost

This Memorial Day weekend, I'm honoring the cereals I've had that have been lost, from an era just prior to my starting this blog, before I had the foresight to meticulously document each novel cereal variety I encountered. Without detailed notes, and sufficient photo evidence, I can't give these cereals a proper review. But I still want to remember them.

January 2019

Let's start with the cereals that (fortunately) made it into this picture of the top of my fridge (seven boxes? how quaint!). January of 2019 was apparently a good month for novelty cereals. Chocolate Peanut Butter Cheerios and Pumpkin Spice Cheerios, being the only two of these that are still around, have both been reviewed elsewhere. Fruity Lucky Charms is one that I've been looking for the past few years, to no avail. I don't remember much about it, except that the regular pieces (the ones that aren't marshmallows) are pink and fruity.

Hostess Donettes cereal was an interesting novelty; the loops had an unusual texture that effectively imitated the white powdered donuts they're modeled after. But the effect was somewhat off-putting for a cereal. The two cereals on top are two different flavors of Pop Tarts cereal. I thought they were only so-so, but Brown Sugar Cinnamon was a little bit better than Frosted Strawberry, if I recall correctly. As a fan of Sour Patch Kids, I was excited when I saw it in cereal form, but I remember the cereal not being very good.

The ad on the side of the box reveals a few more novelty cereals that have come and gone. To my knowledge, Oreo O's is the only one that's lasted (and it's not even my favorite of the bunch). Nutter Butter cereal is one that I miss, as it used to be one of the few straight peanut butter cereals you could get. I have proof that I owned Chips Ahoy cereal at one point - I'd love to try it again and compare it to Cookie Crisp. I don't remember Nilla Wafers Banana Pudding being a cereal, but I regret missing my chance to try it. Another cereal I've had, though my only proof is a blurry box in the background of a random selfie from June of 2018, is Peanut Butter & Cocoa Pebbles - which sounds like a Pebbles cereal right up my alley!

August 2019

On the subject of cereals I've had and then forgotten, here are two that I have proof I had at one point (specifically, in August of 2019). They must not have made much of an impression on me, but I love the pink-and-blue aesthetic of Cotton Candy Crunch. I wouldn't be surprised if I didn't like Froot Loops Birthday Cake, considering my general ambivalence towards birthday cake flavor.

February 2018

Here's Super Mario Cereal from February of 2018, at a point when I had started to document interesting cereal varieties, but before I was in the regular habit of photographing them poured into a bowl. The cereal calls itself mixed berry, and it has marshmallows, but I remember it being very bland - another cheap, pop-culture tie-in novelty that exploits name brand recognition.

February 2019

I remember seeing Chocolatey Winter Lucky Charms in stores, in February of 2019, and I've been looking for it (in vain) ever since. I don't recall if I actually tried it or not, but I'm sure it tastes just like Chocolate Lucky Charms, with the marshmallows shaped like snowballs and snowflakes. I'd love to see it again, but the Lucky Charms lineup is already pretty busy in the early months of the year, gearing up for their annual St. Patrick's Day haul of Lucky Charms Magic Clovers (seen on either side of this pic).

There are a few cereals I've had over the years that I unfortunately have no photo evidence of whatsoever, but were memorable for one reason or another. The best of these is Ice Cream Scoops, an intriguing variation of Cocoa Puffs featuring a neapolitan mix of chocolate, vanilla, and strawberry puffs. It was good; I'm sad that it can't be found anymore. I also remember trying Toasted Coconut Cheerios once - I'm surprised I never got a picture of the box, because it was a beautiful teal color. I like coconut, but I didn't like the cereal; I'm pretty sure I tried it once then gave the box away.

Finally, I want to remember the Batman v Superman cereals that came out, probably in 2016, to promote the corresponding movie. I remember the Batman cereal being chocolate strawberry - which is a flavor combination that could honestly see more recognition in the cereal market. I don't remember the Superman cereal as much, but apparently it was caramel crunch. The more recent DC cereals (which were, sadly, not good at all) remind me of them.

And that will wrap up our reminiscences for now. Like most of the cereals I review for this blog, their time on the shelves is precious and short. But it is largely the purpose of this blog to serve as a memorial to them. Because even though many of them can't be with us today, their memory will live on, so that they will not be forgotten even long after they're gone.

Fantasy Cereals

Last year, I was thinking about Shaq's promotion for Frosted Flakes, which - according to the box details - arose out of Shaq's love of Frosted Flakes, and resulted in a new variety of the cereal, adding crispy cinnamon basketballs. Obviously, I'm not a celebrity, so this is all hypothetical. But I got to thinking - if I were given the opportunity to create my own cereal, what would I come up with?

And I thought about it for a while. If we're going strictly for flavor, obviously I'd pick chocolate with marshmallows, but there are already a lot of options for that on the market. And honestly, in that respect, my dream cereal would probably be a whole lot like Wendy's Frosty cereal (and, well, that already exists). So I thought about what kind of cereals I eat the most, and how I could give them a bit of a novel touch, and it didn't take me long to come up with a new version of Lucky Charms.

Lucky Charms has a magical, fantasy aesthetic. I'm rather fond of faeries, and I think that's something that would be a perfect match for the brand. So let me introduce you to "Pixie Charms" (I chose "pixie" over "fairy" to preserve some consistency in the sound of the name). The box motif would be pink (as opposed to red), and it would introduce Lucky's sister Pixie, embodied in a new pixie-shaped marshmallow. Other marshmallows retained for this version would include the unicorn and the rainbow. Also, "pixie dust" in the cereal would turn the milk pink. I wanted to create a mock-up of this cereal using Fruity Lucky Charms (which has pink cereal pieces), but I haven't been able to find any lately.

Here's a rudimentary proof of concept.

I thought of another idea, which would be a slight variation of JoJo Siwa's Strawberry Bop! I would keep the pink puff pieces but add in blue ones (blueberry-flavored, perhaps?) in equal quantities. Then I would limit the marshmallows to just plain, white ones. Altogether, they would represent the colors of the transgender flag. I'd call it Transgender Puffs ("they're fruity!"), and I would imitate the way Wheaties showcases athletes on the box, by shining a spotlight on different inspirational transgender personalities. (I had just watched Euphoria when I came up with this idea, so my plan was to shine the first spotlight on model, actress, and trans rights activist Hunter Schafer). Oh, and also, the milk would turn an androgynous purple.

Transgender Puffs

For this mock-up, I mixed the pink puffs from JoJo Siwa's Strawberry Bop! with blue Crunch Berries (if I were making it now, I would consider using the blueberry puffs from Pandora Flakes), and combined them with marshmallows extracted from Hot Cocoa Puffs. It was actually quite good. To generate the effect of turning the milk purple, I cheated by first putting in a layer of Magic Fruity Pebbles on the bottom.

I discussed this thought experiment with my partner, and asked her what cereal she would come up with. As a fan of the fruitier cereals, she settled on a variation of Trix with the puffs colorized to represent the planets of our solar system. We went back and forth on whether the puffs should be different sizes, and whether each box should contain only a single sun. She calls it GalacTrix. I humbly offered my own suggestion of adding crescent moon-shaped marshmallows, and making it a tie-in with Sailor Moon - with Usagi (a.k.a. "Bunny") standing in for the Trix Rabbit!

GalacTrix

This mock-up was less of a success than the last one - there was just too much going on. I used the swirled puffs from Trix Trolls World Tour, and added in some Crunch Berries and Pokemon puffs for more color variety. For the crescent moon marshmallows, I borrowed some blue moons from Lucky Charms. I used crispy cinnamon basketballs for the suns, although if I'd had some Reese's Puffs Big Puffs on hand, I think that would have been a fun choice. But at this point, it was already a weird mishmash of flavors.

This exercise has really got my imagination running. If you were tasked with making up your own cereal - whether an original concoction or a novel variation on a classic - what would you come up with? I already have a number of other ideas, but I'll leave you in suspense for now, so I can present them to you on this blog at a later time, as cereal experiments.

Knock-Offs

In lieu of a cereal review today, I thought it would be fun to celebrate April Fools' Day by highlighting some of the hilarious generic brand knock-offs I've spotted while hunting for cereal over the years.

Round 1

I was browsing the cereal aisle in a Family Dollar store (because I can't go into stores anymore without looking at their cereal), when I spotted these generic knock-off cereals that were so shameless, it was actually funny. I swear, if this isn't copyright infringement, this brand must have a lawyer researching just how far they can push it. Thanks for the laugh, Chestnut Hill!

Frosted Mini Wheats becomes Frosted Bite-Size Wheat

Honey Nut Cereal also features a bee with a honey dripper

Fruity Hoops trades the toucan for a monkey; retains the styling of the o's

Berry Crunch flips the title, and the Cap'n becomes a... big bird?

Cinni-Mini Crunch also features swirls of flavor and toast with emotion

Fruity Bites borrows Fruity Pebbles' colorful text, but subs in a giraffe

Golden Honey Puffs swaps in a turtle for the Dig 'em Frog

Round 2

This time, I was browsing the cereals in Price Cutter when the generic knock-offs leaped off the shelves at me. (Not literally). Here's what I saw, courtesy of the Best Choice* brand:

*Yeah, I'm not sure about that.

The name "Apple Delicious" is perhaps a bit presumptuous, but there are still apples with creepy faces!

Frosted Fruit O's ditches the "loopy" text styling, but there's a definite resemblance between the rhino's rainbow-striped horn and Toucan Sam's similarly-colored beak.

I literally laughed out loud - right there in the store - when I saw "Peanut Butter Cocoa Spheres". At least you know what you're getting!

Note how well Cinnamon Sugar Bites apes the alternating colors in the name of the cereal it's imitating.

I actually like the branding of "Magic Marshmallows" - it's uncharacteristically clever. But you can bet it's no coincidence that the dragon is green.

"Koo-kies!" is another pretty hilarious knock-off. Let's not get carried away here - it's not like this is Cocoa Puffs or anything.

I imagine they picked an elephant mascot for Cocoa Crunch so that its trunk could echo the sucking action of Sonny's straw. Imagine if they'd picked an anteater instead...

I can't help thinking that Berry Bits Crisp Crunch is just Berry Crunch with two extra words sandwiched in the middle. Although I enjoy the alliteration, and that shark's a pretty cool mascot.

Like Fruity Bites, Fruity Crisp Rice not only keeps the text coloring, but also picks a giraffe as its mascot. So now we're knocking off the knock-offs?

Both of these cereals' reference to "crisp rice" alludes more to Rice Krispies than the Pebbles cereals; and Cocoa Crisp Rice's monkey mascot makes more sense when you consider Cocoa Krispies' former association with Coco the Monkey.

Believe it or not, I actually joked as I walked into the store that they would have a knock-off version of Cheerios called "Happy O's". I was not disappointed. But I guess obvious is what they're going for.

While not especially creative, Honey Nut Happy O's at least avoids Honey Nut Cereal's problem of being completely generic.

Once again, "bite-size" is standing in for "mini". Interestingly, this box reflects the color of the blueberry version of the name brand cereal.

Anniversary Post

They say that you have your whole life to write your first album, but only 12 months to write your second - and you have to do it while you're on tour. If that's true, then I had the equivalent of two or three albums' worth of material when I released my debut. By the time I started my cereal blog last year, I already had a long list of cereals I'd encountered, never mind the new ones popping up. I thought one year would be enough time to catch up; that by now my load would have begun to lighten. Yet there are just as many boxes of novelty cereals on top of my fridge now as there were a year ago! (And not the same ones).

I think by next year I'll know for sure whether I'll ever be able to catch up, or if novelty cereals really are that much of a booming industry. (I suspect it's the latter). Without exaggerating, if you average it out (because they tend to cluster around the holidays), I wouldn't be surprised if a new novelty cereal hit the shelves every single week of the year. I've been throwing out double reviews left and right, and I still can't keep up!

I have at least a dozen reviews waiting in the wings at any given time, and weekly slots filled up months in advance (always with a little wiggle room, to account for unexpected finds). Putting everything into place, and juggling which cereals I buy and when I eat them, is a puzzle I'm constantly turning over in the back of my mind. But you know what? It's a problem with low stakes, and a generous yield; working on it is a pleasant distraction that brings me comfort and joy.

Sure, it's a little stressful at times. I get positively exasperated when I spot an unexpected newcomer on the shelves when I'm already booked solid for a given season. Or when I can't find a cereal I'm specifically looking for that's proving to be elusive. But in the end, it is always with delight that I grab a box and cradle it on my way to the register. Because I know it means I have another cereal experiment to look forward to.

And with that, let me invite you to the sophomore year of my blog!

Introduction

Like a lot of people, I ate cereal as a kid. Then I had an experience with spoilt milk that completely traumatized me. Fast forward to adulthood, and I began to realize that I missed eating cereal. Having more control over the milk in my house*, I figured it would be safe to try eating cereal again. And I've completely fallen in love with it.

*Milk etiquette:
1. Always buy milk with the furthest sell by date.
2. Buy less milk more frequently, so it's constantly being refreshed.
3. The container shall never leave the fridge for more than sixty seconds.

Now, I'm not a breakfast person (or a morning person in general, for that matter). Although I do like breakfast foods - bacon, eggs, pancakes, etc. - I don't usually like to consume them in the morning, as I do not have a very big appetite early in the day. (And despite what nutritionists tell you about breakfast being the most important meal of the day, I'm pretty healthy, and can go to surprising lengths of time and physical exertion before breaking my fast when pressed).

So, not only do I enjoy eating cereal, but it's a simple and reliable snack (with minimal effort cooking or cleaning) to tide me over until lunch time. It's my go-to breakfast every morning of every day; only rarely do I substitute a bigger breakfast (usually when I'm travelling with companions who have bigger appetites in the morning), and when I do, I always find myself missing my daily bowl. Sometimes I'll even go to bed at night looking forward to the cereal I'll be having in the morning.

Despite being able to go through a Family Size box of cereal in about a week all by myself, I still manage to buy them faster than I can eat them, and my weakness for trying out limited edition novelty flavors has resulted in stacks of unopened boxes collecting on the top of my fridge (drawing snide remarks from family).

Nevertheless, this has inspired me (along with distant memories of cereals I enjoyed as a kid that you can't get anymore) to start documenting some of the more unique flavors I've come across. My favorite cereals cover some of the basics - staples such as Lucky Charms, Froot Loops, Honey Nut Cheerios, and Cocoa Puffs, among others. But I want to put special emphasis on the flavors you may not know about, the new and limited edition varieties that weren't on the shelves yesterday, and may not be there tomorrow.

Welcome to my Cereal Experiments. Close the box; open the next.