Glazed Donut Holes - Original

Name: Glazed Donut Holes - Original
Variation: Glazed Donut Holes, Frosted Flakes
Manufacturer: Kellogg's

Review: This year, Kellogg's responds to General Mills' strategy for marketing novelty cereals - employed with the LOADED cereals last year, and the Minis before that - with its own promotion featuring some of its flagship cereals transformed into a new lineup. And the form they're taking is... Glazed Donut Holes! Gotta say, I'm excited to try 'em. It's interesting that they've chosen donut holes instead of loops. The box says they "did the math" to "deliver more glaze" ("max glaze = max flavor"), but I suspect that they just copy-pasted a couple of formulas from a geometry textbook, because in actuality, a sphere has a lower surface-area-to-volume ratio than a torus (i.e., donut shape)...

Regardless, we'll start with the Glazed Original flavor, reasonably released under the Frosted Flakes banner, since Frosted Flakes is just corn flakes with a layer of frosting. They're crispy - not soft like actual donut holes - but do have that glazed donut flavor. On the other hand, I don't know if it's because it dissolves the glaze, but after adding milk, the taste of the corn flour base begins to impede the "donut-y" impression. Altogether, this cereal is pretty plain. It's okay to eat, but I don't think I'd go out of my way to buy it again. However, I'm still looking forward to trying the other two flavors.

Rating: 🥣
Leftover Milk: Lightly sweetened.

Twinkles

Name: Twinkles
Variation: n/a
Manufacturer: General Mills

Review: This week, we're going "back to the 1960's" for some "goodness in sweetened toasted corn." I wasn't around in the '60s, so I have no idea who Twinkles is. But it looks about what you would expect of a children's cartoon from the age of psychedelics. Accompanied by various other zoo animals, Twinkles is a pink elephant (fittingly, a common symbol of chemical-induced hallucinations) who you can - via the game board on the back of the box - help race to the Star Factory in the clouds, to replenish his Twinkle Dust. XD

The cereal itself consists of bright yellow stars - kind of reminiscent of Super Mario's invincibility star. I can't help thinking of Kellogg's dreadful "berry stars" cereals (of which Froot Loops Wonka was covertly the latest iteration). I was worried that this cereal would be just as boring as Bluey was, but thankfully, there's enough sweetness to sell it. I bet its plainness would lend well to add-ins, like fresh strawberries. They could have added marshmallows and called them clouds!

This is one of those cases where the limitation of my simple, 3-point rating system is made painfully evident. I think Twinkles deserves to rate higher than cereals I couldn't stand to eat, but on the other hand, I don't think I like it enough to buy it again. So I'll just give it a one bowl rating with distinction. :-p

Rating: 🥣
Leftover Milk: Mildly sweetened.

Squishmallows

Name: Squishmallows
Variation: n/a
Manufacturer: Kellogg's

Review: Like a hug in a cereal bowl, Squishmallows has joined the breakfast table! This isn't the first marshmallow-flavored cereal with marshmallows that Kellogg's has slapped its name on, so comparisons to Peeps cereal are entirely appropriate. The colors are a little more subdued - pale yellow loops accented by pastel pink, blue, and purple marshmallows shaped like Cam the calico cat - but not at all unpleasant. It's like Peeps had an illicit tryst with LOL Surprise! (a General Mills cereal), and this is the offspring. Anyway, this cereal is low in fat, has an expectedly moderate but not unreasonable amount of sugar, and may be a little plain, but is sweet, with a good marshmallow flavor. I suspect that it's basically Peeps re-branded so it can be sold year-round.

Rating: 🥣🥣
Leftover Milk: Marshmallow-y.

Bluey

Name: Bluey
Variation: n/a
Manufacturer: General Mills

Review: I don't know who this Bluey is, or why he's so popular all of a sudden - and adding to the mystery is the conspicuous lack of information on the box. I don't know what flavor this cereal is supposed to be. Blueberry? Maybe. Maybe not. All it says (tucked in the corner) is that it's a "lightly sweetened corn cereal" - and when they say lightly sweetened, they mean 4g of sugar per serving size (which is already 50% larger than average). That's equivalent to the tiny amount of sugar in Rice Krispies! (Or two bowls of plain Cheerios). The puffs are a little on the small side, and pour alarmingly fast. The taste and texture is reminiscent of cheese balls - but without the cheese (if you can imagine that). There's only the slightest semblance of sweetness. This cereal is so bland, you can almost taste the plain milk over it! Are you supposed to feed this to babies? There's no way I'm going to be able to finish this huge box...

Rating: 🥣
Leftover Milk: Baby blue, but completely bland.

Cheerios Oat Crunch Chocolate

Name: Cheerios Oat Crunch Chocolate
Variation: Cheerios
Manufacturer: General Mills

Review: Whether by coincidence or marketing strategy, just after Honey Bunches of Oats put a Chocolate variation on the shelves, the one cereal I've compared that line to the most - Cheerios Oat Crunch - puts out a new version that's chocolate! I haven't had a good experience with the Oat Crunch cereals (too plain, too "healthy"), but this one holds the most promise yet. I know Cheerios can do chocolate well; let's see how the Oat Crunch version holds up.

With 14g of sugar and 5g of fat per 1 cup serving (surprisingly, more than regular Chocolate Cheerios, and by a fair margin - not sure what they're trying to pull here), it might very well be good. Although it's roaming a little far from the "healthy" range. The box says it "helps keep you full through the morning (3 1/2 hours)" which isn't super important to me. I like a light breakfast - just something to tide me over 2-3 hours (usually) until lunch time.

And the verdict is? It's good. The oats give it an awkward texture for chewing, but help fill out the loops and provide substance. The chocolate flavor is decent. I don't hate it. This is, without a doubt, the best Oat Crunch cereal I've had yet. I bet it would be really good with fresh strawberries or bananas cut up into it. Like with Honey Bunches of Oats, I think this chocolate cereal has also redeemed its line.

Rating: 🥣🥣
Leftover Milk: A lot of it is absorbed by the oats, but what's left is very chocolatey.

Honey Bunches of Oats - Chocolate

Name: Honey Bunches of Oats - Chocolate
Variation: Honey Bunches of Oats
Manufacturer: Post

Review: It's a stroke of luck that I just started trying out Honey Bunches of Oats not long before a Chocolate version appeared on the shelves (it doesn't say it's "new", but I haven't seen it before). And what a perfect successor to Vanilla! Made with "real chocolate and cocoa" (my emphasis), it looks a lot like Chocolate Frosted Flakes. The oat clusters are few and far between - I could almost forget that I'm eating Honey Bunches of Oats! It's not the most decadent chocolate cereal on the market, but it does have a good chocolate flavor - it's very creamy, like chocolate milk. As a chocolate cereal, it might not be my first pick, but in the hierarchy of Honey Bunches cereals, its easily among the varieties I've liked the most (along with Frosted Bunches and Real Strawberries). I'll consider it the lineup's redemption after Maple & Pecans.

Rating: 🥣🥣
Leftover Milk: A deep, smoke-colored chocolate milk.

Friends - The One With The Vanilla Bean Latte

Name: Friends - The One With The Vanilla Bean Latte
Variation: n/a
Manufacturer: General Mills

Review: Before I even open the box, this cereal already has three strikes against it: 1) it's coffee-flavored, 2) it's vanilla (at least give me mocha!), and 3) it consists of flakes. Plus, I've always preferred Seinfeld to Friends. But I'm open-minded, so I'll give it a try. After all, everything rides on how it tastes.

It's very uniform - there are no clusters. And these whole wheat flakes look very dark. It tastes more of coffee than vanilla. It has a suprising amount of sugar (nearly as much as Honey Smacks), which contributes to its sweet flavor. It's not terrible, it just combines too many things I don't like to begin with.

As it happens, I just picked up a box of Frosted Flakes Chocolate Milkshake (a cereal with a very similar appearance) on clearance. So I'll be relieved to be able to wash the taste of vanilla coffee out of my mouth with some chocolate milkshake. Now, please, can there be a Seinfeld cereal? You could make it cinnamon babka flavored! It would be the perfect competitor to this.

Rating: 🥣
Leftover Milk: Could save you a trip to Central Perk for your morning coffee.