The Spongebob Movie

Name: The SpongeBob Movie: Search For SquarePants
Variation: n/a
Manufacturer: Kellogg's

Review: SpongeBob debuted at a time in my life when I was graduating to more mature animated fare, so I never really got into it. (However, I did recently make Krabby Patty cupcakes for a kid's birthday party). But there's apparently a new movie out, because here's the associated cereal tie-in. As if you couldn't tell. Gotta say, I hate the name of this cereal. I know it's just a glorified commercial for the movie, but it pays no respect to the medium. Do I really have to call this cereal "The SpongeBob Movie"? At least Froot Loops Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory had a recognizable cereal in its name! It tells me they're not even pretending to create a decent product, they're just banking on parents (and obsessed fans) wasting their money on name recognition. I know this is how capitalism works, but that doesn't mean I have to like it.

Krabby Patty cupcakes

It doesn't bode well that this cereal doesn't have any flavor beyond "corn". There aren't even any marshmallows! Wouldn't it be great if it had some little pink Patrick marshmallows? Every time I start to pour a bowl, I look at it and find myself wishing it was Peanut Butter Crunch. The one thing I'll say for it is that it has an interesting mouthfeel. The puffs are dense, and soften up considerably in milk. It almost gives me the impression that I'm eating SpongeBob, cut up into little pieces. There is just a hint of sweetness, which is more than I can say for last years' dreadful Bluey cereal. It's marginally better than I expected it to be, but I still won't say that I like it. At the very least, I should be able to get through the box without having to give it away.

Rating: 🥣
Leftover Milk: A little sweet and corny.

Cocoa Loops

Name: Cocoa Loops
Variation: Froot Loops
Manufacturer: Kellogg's

Review: I should really stop giving these companies ideas for new cereals - seeing as I'll never see so much as a penny of their profits. This is the version of Froot Loops the world needed when Kellogg's was promoting the Wonka movie. A movie about a guy who builds a chocolate factory. I mean, the box is even purple! You all thought I was crazy back then for suggesting a chocolate version of Froot Loops. (After all, it's a fruity cereal - it's right there in the name! Although the word "cocoa" has two o's without misspelling it). And yet, here we are. I couldn't be more excited to try it.

It has a good cocoa flavor. Kellogg's doesn't really have a chocolate cereal (I'm not counting Cocoa Krispies, because it's a Krispies cereal), so this cereal would seem to be poised to compete with General Mills' Cocoa Puffs. It even turns the milk chocolate! Kellogg's cereals don't have a good track record when it comes to that, so I'm impressed. My only regret is that I bought such a small box. I guess I'll have to go back to the store and get another one. I wonder how long it'll stick around.

Rating: 🥣🥣🥣
Leftover Milk: Chocolatey, as advertised.

Cinnamon Pebbles

Name: Cinnamon Pebbles
Variation: Fruity Pebbles
Manufacturer: Post

Review: Look at this new "cinna-riffic" variation on Fruity Pebbles - it's blasted with cinnamon! Opening the box, it looks and smells strongly of cinnamon. Although the initial flavor is strong, after the Pebbles start to absorb milk, it kinda loses its edge. The closest comparison is Cinnamon Sugar Krispies, and while I would rate this cereal as being marginally better, I'm coming to the same conclusion - that I'd rather have a small bowl on the side. (Also, although I do like the flavor of cinnamon, as a spice, there can be a point at which it's simply too much). I think I'm just not that fond of the texture and mouthfeel of the Pebbles' cereals. Cinnamon Toast Crunch, for example, gives you something substantial to chew on. I'd really much rather have a bowl of Cinnabon.

Rating: 🥣
Leftover Milk: Whatever milk is left will be oversaturated with cinnamon.

The Grinch

Name: The Grinch Dr. Seuss
Variation: n/a
Manufacturer: General Mills

Review: For some reason, The Grinch is super popular this year. I don't know what it is, but I'll take any excuse to try a new cereal. Though it's vanilla, so I don't know how well I'll like it. But at least it has marshmallows! They're cute, too - little pink hearts. It all comes in a pretty green box that is very Christmas-y. Incidentally, I was just listening to a new Christmas song by rock band The Pretty Reckless, featuring Taylor Momsen who played Cindy Lou Who in the Grinch movie (25 years ago!).

I like the green puffs - they're very Grinchy. But the flavor is kind of off-putting. I taste more corn than vanilla. Looking at the nutrition facts, the sugar content is expectedly on the low side. Usually, General Mills nails their tie-ins; this tastes more like a Kellogg's promotional cereal. Did somebody turn the breakfast table upside-down? Or has the Grinch stolen all the flavor? I mean, it wouldn't be uncharacteristic of him. But of cereals based on characters likely to prank the public, I much prefer Wednesday's cereal from last year.

Rating: 🥣
Leftover Milk: Corn milk. Yum.

Honey Bunches of Oats - Sugar Cookie

Name: Honey Bunches of Oats - Sugar Cookie
Variation: Honey Bunches of Oats
Manufacturer: Post

Review: After a short break, we're heading into the holiday rush now, starting with this exciting new flavor of Honey Bunches of Oats! Opening the box, it smells strongly of sugar cookies. But it's not as colorful as the box would suggest - these "festive" red and green sprinkles are barely noticeable. The flavor is good, though. The texture is a lot different from a soft, doughy cookie (that's one thing The Elf on the Shelf got right), but the taste is on point. I might even like it better than Sugar Cookie Toast Crunch! In any case, it's a delightful treat for the holidays.

Rating: 🥣🥣
Leftover Milk: Did somebody order a sugar cookie milkshake?

Cinnamon Toast Crunch Mexican Style Hot Chocolate

Name: Cinnamon Toast Crunch Mexican Style Hot Chocolate
Variation: Cinnamon Toast Crunch
Manufacturer: General Mills

Review: Cinnamon Toast Crunch shows off their south-of-the-border flare once again with an intriguing new flavor for the holidays. (Although it makes for an obnoxiously long title). I had to look up what constitutes "Mexican style" hot chocolate - there's a little more to it than just adding cinnamon. I'm interested to find out how this cereal compares to regular Chocolate Toast Crunch (which has been, inexplicably, discontinued recently).

First off, the toasties are very dark - suggesting a darker chocolate than usual. I know dark chocolate isn't to everyone's taste, but I'm a fan. Honestly, the best hot cocoa I've ever had has been dark chocolate. There's definitely something more going on here beyond just chocolate and cinnamon, though. It's actually a little bit spicy. Like CinnaFuego Toast Crunch, but (mercifully) dialed down to just a slight tingle on your tongue. The first bowl was a little bit strange, then it began to grow on me. But after eating it for days on end, I think it's beginning to irritate my throat. If nothing else, this has definitely been the most unique hot cocoa cereal I've ever tried.

Rating: 🥣🥣
Leftover Milk: Like a frozen Mexican style hot chocolate!

Demogorgon Crunch

Name: Demogorgon Crunch
Variation: Eggo Homestyle?
Manufacturer: Kellogg's

Review: With the arrival of the final season of Stranger Things imminent, I'd been thinking how surprising it is that I've never seen a Stranger Things cereal before. Lo and behold, in the eleventh hour, out of my imagination and onto store shelves comes... Demogorgon Crunch! (I would have called it Stranger Rings). Notwithstanding my excitement, I'm a little hesitant because it's maple-flavored - on account of Eleven's obsession with Eggo waffles, I presume. Not that I don't like waffles, but maple isn't one of my favorite flavors. (Even when it comes to waffles, peanut butter is my preferred add-on - thanks, Waffle House). But, it's got marshmallows!

So, the cereal pieces actually look like waffles, and are very reminiscent of Kellogg's former Eggo Homestyle cereal (even more so than that other maple-with-marshmallows cereal, Elf). They're big, and have a good crunch. The "upside down" marshmallows (as if a marshmallow could have any sense of direction tumbling out of a cereal box) are two-toned, and resemble flashlights, demogorgon faces, and d20 dice. The box has a retro, Saturday morning cartoon vibe to it - which is appropriate for an '80s nostalgia show - with an eclectic tableau printed on the back of the box, tied to a lost-and-found game that'll test your knowledge of Stranger Things trivia. I think that, without the marshmallows, I would get bored of the waffles pretty quick, but all together, I found myself barrelling toward the finish, and still anticipating the next bowl.

Rating: 🥣🥣
Leftover Milk: Subtly sweet and syrupy.